Prior to leaving for “Miami” The Ex had asked to have a conversation with me about our relationship. Things had been very strained between us for months, more so in the past few for various reasons. I had agreed to have this talk when I got back for my trip and had somewhat pushed it out of my mind. On Wednesday January 27th, I came home from work and The Ex was sitting in the den on his computer. I hadn’t even gotten my jacket off and he was on me.
The Ex: “Can we have that talk now?”
Me: “Um… okay.”
I took of my jacket and shoes and followed him to the living room. My lap top was sitting out on the coffee table open as soon as I saw it I knew what was coming. We sat down on the couch, each in our own corner. I sat with my knees up in front of me but facing him.
The Ex: “You’ve been acting weird lately. Things haven’t been going well between us either. Is there anything you want to tell me?”
The Ex: “Really? Okay then. Do you own a web-cam?”
I was a little surprised at the remark and instantly on my guard. I know how The Ex thinks and he was very clearly out to trick me into saying something I shouldn’t.
Me: “No.” And I shook my head.
The Ex then gets up and walks into the bedroom. He walks out with my web-cam and asks again if I own one. It’s obvious at this point that I do, but now I was just angry. His little games were so irritating and I just wanted him to get to the bloody point already. I just shook my head.
The Ex: “You have no idea what else I found.”
And he turns my computer towards me and presents me with Exhibit A, two nude photos of Bermuda.
The Ex: “Why the fuck do you have a web-cam and who the fuck is that?”
I was shocked and angry. I recognized the photos, Bermuda had sent them to me on MSN, but I knew that I had very carefully and meticulously deleted everything. How the fuck had The Ex found them? How long had he been tearing apart MY computer as he had most clearly been doing?
The Ex: “Consider very carefully before you answer. Again, you don’t know what else I have.”
It was exactly what I’d suspected. He’d gone into my computer and somehow hacked into my e-mail or something. I didn’t have any idea what he could and couldn’t find on my computer. I know I’d been careful with deleting everything but I didn’t really know what he was capable of recovering or breaking into. Rather than play games I just came out with it.
Me: “That’s the guy I’ve been sleeping with.”
To say that shit hit the fan is an understatement. He spent the next 2 hours grilling me. He wanted to know everything. How I knew Bermuda. What I felt for him. Where we would meet. It only made him angrier when I wouldn’t really answer the questions. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want him to know anything about Bermuda or my relationship with him.
At one point The Ex asked if we’d had sex in ‘our’ bed. I started laughing. I couldn’t help myself. It was just too funny. The Ex had accused me of cheating many times over the years. This was the first and only time I’d ever actually done it and part of why it was possible was because it wasn’t in the city. There was no mixing or blending of my life. My life was in Toronto but my affair was strictly in Bermuda. My laughing obviously didn’t help things at all.
The Ex also made me send an e-mail to Bermuda telling him that our affair was over and that I couldn’t speak to him again. He also watched as I deleted him from Facebook and from my MSN contacts list. (A few days later The Ex hacked into all of these accounts and blocked Bermuda from ever contacting me again.) The Ex made me swear that I would never contact Bermuda again. He told me that if I did, we would be done. He hadn’t yet decided if he wanted to end things with me or not, but for the moment he wanted to work things out with me.
I had never seen The Ex as angry as I did that night. He was insanely jealous and kept repeating to me that Bermuda only wanted me for sex, that I meant nothing to him. That was really the night he started emotionally torturing me.
Nearing the two hour mark of his tirade he went quiet. He looked at me and said, “You’re turned on, aren’t you?”
I looked at him in utter disbelief.
The Ex smiling: “You are, aren’t you?”
I honestly didn’t know what to say or do at this point. It didn’t really matter though; The Ex took my hand and pulled me to the bedroom.
He had sex with me.
And that was the first time in my entire life where I faked an orgasm.