Bermuda came by around 10pm on the Wednesday night. It was going to be a short visit since he had to work in the morning and I was flying home. We had sex twice more and then talked and cuddled for a bit. Bermuda got up to put his clothes back on so he could leave. I had to admire his jeans, they looked fantastic on him. I made him twirl around and commented about how great his derriere looked in them. We had a giggle over that. He asked for a hug before he left so I got up, walked over to him, wrapped my arms around him on tippy toes and kissed him. I shook my head and blurted “You said hug not kiss!” He smiled at me and we did hug and he made a cheeky grab at my ass! Another small kiss on the cheek and he left.
I flew home on Thursday and The Ex was at his house, not at our condo. I was relieved; I needed time to process what I’d just done. The Ex and I had been together 7+ years, we were engaged and the wedding date was set. In theory I was just about to get everything I’d wanted and there I was, very much, cheating on him. Even with this running through my mind I couldn’t stop thinking about Bermuda.
That afternoon I send Bermuda an e-mail letting him know that I’d had a fantastic time with him. He hadn’t replied by Friday so I sent him a text. He replied to my e-mail then saying he was sorry he hadn’t gotten the message earlier, but the message had gone right to his junk e-mail. That was officially the day my affair started. Bermuda and I would e-mail each other all-day every-day, video chat on MSN and call each other. By the end of November we’d made plans for me to return to Bermuda to see him. I’d purchased a plane ticket for the end of January and I couldn’t wait to see him again. I didn’t tell anyone, not even my best friend.
I did see my best friend a few days after I got back from Bermuda. She and I went for dinner and polished off a bottle of wine and several martinis. I did confess to sleeping with Bermuda, she was completely shocked. We talked it over and I assured her that it was a one-time thing and that I only needed to get it out of my system before getting married. Although she wasn’t impressed with me, as my best friend, she supported me and told me that as long as it was just this one time she would keep my secret. This is also when my lies started.
At the moment I am painting myself as the bad guy. I take full responsibility for the actions I took. I’m not proud of my affair and although it is a reflection of who I was at the time, it is not something I would wish to repeat ever. For those of you following, you will see how much I hid from everyone around me and how much I was hiding from myself. The affair with Bermuda was me trying to escape reality because I couldn’t quite deal with the repercussions of being in an unhappy relationship and not being strong enough (yet) to end things. There were a lot of reasons that led to the end of my relationship with The Ex, some of which I am capable of sharing and writing about, and others that I am not. You will certainly see that I put a lot of the blame on myself, but it does take two to make and break a relationship and there are always two sides to every story.
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