Saturday, December 10, 2011

The whole truth - Part 1

After e-mailing with Bermuda on the Monday, I’d sent an e-mail to my boss on Tuesday to let her know what was going on in my life. I asked her for Friday off, to sort through some things, and I also asked her for a little extra vacation time in July to take a time out after our busy season. Thankfully she agreed and on Wednesday I purchased a flight to Bermuda for July 16th returning on July 29th. It was a long time but I wanted and needed to see Bermuda. Other than being free, this was my bright spot on the horizon to help me deal with all the extra ramifications of ending my relationship with The Ex.

Friday I took an early bus home so that I could spend some time with my dad before tackling talking with my sister. Dad was already up (he’d been working late shifts at work) and we sat on the couch drinking tea and coffee. Dad took a deep breath and then asked, “I know that we talked in April about your relationship, but I don’t really understand how money got to be such a big issue. Can you explain it to me?”

Me: “I can. That’s part of why I came home today, not just to talk to Sister but to be able to tell you what happened. I want you to hear from me why things went south rather than through the grapevine.”
My hometown is a relatively large city, but it functioned a bit like a small town. It was entirely possible that my dad would hear things about my relationship with The Ex through other means and I sincerely wanted him (and my mother) to know the whole story through me. I started by telling dad about loaning The Ex money back when I was in University. And then about how I would be paying for things and how things got much worse when he lost his job (back in 2008!). I also told him how The Ex had used a credit card in my name to buy some electronic items and then stopped paying the balance. I found out about this in 2008 when a collection agency called me at work. That particular incident should have spelled the end for The Ex and me, but he manipulated and talked himself out of that one.

Dad listened patiently while I went through all of this. He was really upset by a few of the comments and situations and repeated that I should have come to him and asked his advice. Once I’d gone over all of the financial parts, watching dad’s disappointment grow, I then dropped the affair. I told him that in the fall I had started seeing someone else and I had definitely cheated on The Ex. I said that I was really sorry that I had done this and through therapy I had realized it was my way of screaming for help.

I then told dad that I had started seeing a therapist in February because I had been so stressed out about the whole wedding and affair that I simply couldn’t process my own thoughts on the matter. After our three hour conversation dad gave me a hug, told me he loved me and we went to our usual neighbourhood pub for lunch.  A huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders; I couldn’t even put into words how relieved I was to finally tell the truth - the good, the bad and the very ugly. It was such a release to stop pretending, to actually be. After telling my dad the whole story I vowed to myself that I would never hide myself again because in hiding the truth from everyone I had been hiding who I was.

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