Thursday, December 1, 2011


When I came back from the bachelorette party on the Sunday, The Ex informed me that he would be spending the week at his home doing renovations. He said that it would give us both some time and space to think about what we wanted to do and that he would be home on Friday night and we could start talking then.

We hardly spoke the entire week he was gone and I admit the condo was actually quiet and I felt relaxed there for the first time in months.

Friday night rolled around and The Ex came home. We'd decided just to stay in and watch a movie. At first it was really nice. We were both in good moods and had a lot to talk about since we hadn't seen each other in a week. Just before we started the movie The Ex handed me his cell phone to show me pictures of the renovations he was working on. He then went to the washroom. I was flipping through the photos admiring the work and I continued flipping because photos of his reef tank came up and then I just kept going. I flipped one too far and my heart just stopped. There was a picture of my lap top computer screen with a list of passwords for my e-mail, Facebook and online banking. That's when I started seeing red. I couldn't believe he's installed a key logger on MY computer. I was absolutely disgusted.

When The Ex got back to the couch I kept my mouth shut, I needed to think. When he sat down he suggested that we save the serious talk until Sunday, since we were going to visit our families the next day. I nodded numbly and then sat back to watch the movie.

As we watched the movie I slowly came to the real realization that this relationship was over and that there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted out. There was absolutely no trust between us and we both felt violated at this point. Nothing was left to salvage. I just needed to gather my thoughts to have a rational conversation on Sunday, I didn't want to just explode because of what I'd just seen.

After the movie The Ex wanted to have sex since we hadn't seen each other in a week and a half and I simply couldn't do it. I "compromised" by giving him head and then thankfully I got to go to sleep.

The next day I spent with my parents and we talked about the bachelorette party and I told them that I was pretty sure things were ending with The Ex. I told them that we'd had a big fight and I wasn't sure where things were going. they nodded and were supportive and I promised to keep them posted.

That night I went back to The Ex's house. My sister tagged along. She had been having a bad week and needed to get out so I suggested she come over the play video games. The three of us did that for several hours and then my sister decided to go home. As soon as she left The Ex asked if I wanted to talk that night, I said yes. He turned to me and asked where I stood.

Me: "I'm done. I am totally out and don't want to be with you anymore."

The Ex: "Okay. What changed?"

I explained to him what happened with his phone the night before and said that neither one of us trusts the other. There was nothing left to work on, we were past the point of repair. When I mentioned the photo in question he did get defensive saying that I had "made him" do that. I simply said that I no longer felt safe with him or in my own home and that was unacceptable. There was nothing more to discuss, our relationship was over.

We were quiet for a few minutes after that and then he asked, "So how do you want to do this?"

Me: "Well, I'm telling my parents in the morning and we'll go from there."

We continued to hash things out for another hour or so. I spent the night there so I could deal with telling my parents in the morning...

It was finally official The Ex and I were over. The wedding was off. I'd finally made the decision I'd been to scared to make for months. I was free and that night that's all that mattered.

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