My world coming apart

As I mentioned in the previous post Bermuda and I were talking every day and I’d already purchased a plane ticket back to Bermuda. My affair was in full swing.

Mid-December there was a very serious family crisis. I was absolutely devastated over it and could hardly function. I was doing my best and no one at work, save one colleague who I confided in, knew how badly things were going for me. What made this situation even harder was that The Ex did not agree with how my family was handling the situation. We were driving back to Toronto after visiting with my family one weekend and he was going off on me about how things were being handled and how much he didn’t agree with everything. He started attacking members of my immediate family and I just lost it. I was sobbing and screaming at him in the car and I know that in that moment I felt so alone, trapped and scared. This was the scariest and most upsetting thing to ever happen to me and the person I was supposed to marry was not in my corner. Instead he was tearing into me.

The next day I confided in Bermuda. I told him what had happened with my family and how upset and confused I was about everything. Surprisingly enough he was an amazing listener. Usually we talked about lighter topics so this was completely different from our usual conversation, this was real. After I shared with him he did a bit of research, gave me some ideas and thoughts and also shared a few personal stories of his experiences. Although this was all via e-mail, Bermuda let me completely fall apart on him and he caught me, he didn’t let me shatter completely. At that time he was honestly the one and only thing holding me together from a complete and utter breakdown. I am still grateful to him for the support he offered me during this time period. I'm not sure I would have made it through December in one piece had he not been in my life.

Slowly things improved with my family. This was really hard on everyone. One night over the Christmas holidays my dad said to me that I was really lucky to have The Ex to lean on since things were so difficult. It nearly broke my heart because my dad had no idea how awful things were and how unsupportive The Ex was actually being about the whole situation. The biggest thing that kept running through my mind at the time was what if this situation was with a child? What if The Ex and I had a child together and he and I didn't agree on treatment? The thought terrified me that we would be on opposing teams when it came to our own children.

December 2010 was probably the worst month of my life that I can remember. I have never been more emotionally and physically exhausted before. Although I would not wish to repeat the experience and I'm so glad that my family member is now in good health again, I am grateful to have had that eye-opening experience with The Ex. 


My dad was right in one regard, it was very good that I had someone to lean on and support me... too bad it wasn't the person that it should have been.