Sunday, November 20, 2011

The breaking point - Part 2

After the Stag and Doe The Ex decided to stay at his home for a few days working on renovations. My dad offered to drive me back to Toronto on the Sunday night.

The entire drive to my place Dad and I made small talk. It was like we were both avoiding the elephant in the room. We were about 15 minutes from home when dad finally asked, "Wendy, how are things with you and The Ex and him not working?"

Me: "Just fine. We're making it work."

Dad: "How is he affording his house and helping to pay for you to live together in Toronto?"

At this comment I got very quiet and my eyes welled up.

Me: "Dad can we wait until we're inside to talk more?"

Dad looked at me and nodded. When we got to the condo we unloaded my things and took the elevator. Once we got in and settled, I got us two glasses of water, and then I just lost it. I spent the next two hours sobbing to my dad about how unhappy I was, how hard things had been and how I didn't know what to do. He listened and hugged me.

My dad has always been my 'Go To' person and to this day I am so grateful that he pushed me that evening. Although I didn't tell him everything that was going on (ie. My affair), I did get to talk about The Ex losing his job, how tight money was and generally how unhappy I was. We had a really good discussion and somewhere in there dad said to me, "Wendy, if you're this unhappy get out. Your mother and I are okay if you call things off. All we care about is you and your well-being. If this isn't right, don't do it."

In that one moment it was as if a huge weight had been lifted. One of the major topics my therapist and I had talked about was my fear of what everyone would think if I ended the relationship, especially my parents. At heart I am a people pleaser and I always want to make my parents proud. To hear my dad tell me that it was okay to call off the wedding was exactly what I had needed to hear.

After I had pulled myself together a bit dad and I worked out a plan. There were some huge concerns in regards to money (which I have not mentioned before in this blog), especially the fact that I was the only one of us working and was actually paying for not only our home in Toronto but for the mortgage on his house in another city. After looking over the numbers it became very apparent that I could only afford to support us in our current location and unfortunately I had to show him the black and white numbers regarding his house.

When dad left that night I felt light as a feather. He was going to fill my mom in about things and I was going to be in touch with them in the next couple days regarding the finances to get their help and support in talking with the Ex about it.

Things were about to get very, very ugly.

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