February 2010 was a long month. I was a bit of a zombie basically functioning but not really participating in life.
I started therapy mid-month to try and sort things out. Why did I have an affair? How did I feel about my relationship with The Ex? How did I feel about getting married? I remember the first session with my therapist and she asked me why I was there and I just completely broke down sobbing telling her that I was engaged but had just had an affair and I didn't really know why. It was a very messy hour. I saw my therapist once a week and talking with her was the start of figuring things out.
I missed Bermuda every day. I thought about him all the time and I found it really hard not having him in my life. Especially since he had been so helpful during my family crisis. Mid-February he went on a trip to Costa Rica with his friends and I couldn't help wondering how it went.
Near the end of February The Ex and I had a massive fight. I look back on it now and realize it was a turning point for me and where our relationship was going. It was so nasty that it took me days to recover and a complete meltdown on my therapist before I could somewhat get over it. I have written out what happened but it's very private. If you would like to read the post please send me an e-mail and I will decide whether or not I can share.
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