Ultimatum

Me: "We need to talk. As you know, I'm having some issues with the thought of us getting married."

The Ex: "Yeah."

Me: "The fact of the matter is you aren't working and I'm supporting us 100%. And not only supporting us 100% in our home here, but I'm also paying for your house, which we don't live in. Effective immediately, I will not be paying for anything outside us living here together."

The Ex: "How the hell am I supposed to pay for the house then?!"

Me: "I don't know. But the mortgage isn't in my name and frankly I simply can't afford two places on my salary. It's your house, you insist on keeping it, you need to figure this out. I think you need to sell it. Its sinking us."

The Ex: "What if you stopped getting your hair done? Wouldn't that make a big difference?"

Me: "Getting my hair done is expensive, yes. But as I just mentioned, I'm the only one working and I need to look professional. Getting my hair done is non-negotiable. YOUR house is the problem! I can support us both living here, it's tight but I can do it. I CAN'T afford here and your house. And it's YOUR house! Not OURS!"

At this point the whole conversation went downhill. A lot of blame, anger and frustration came out. In the end The Ex walked away to consult his mother about selling his house after I'd sent him the black and white numbers of the money coming in and out of our home. Things were pretty shaky at that time and he spent a lot of time at his house instead of at the condo with me.

A week later her came back to me saying that selling his house wasn't an option, his mother didn't think it was a good idea because of the housing market. He then asked me why this was only coming up now and why I hadn't brought it up before.

Me: "We tried to talk about it. Don't you remember our pre-marriage counseling course? The instructor in charge of finances took us aside and offered to help because we clearly gave off the vibe that we couldn't communicate on this topic. He was right! We can't communicate when it comes to money, this is a BIG problem!"

The Ex: "We can get a pre-nup then. I mean if that's what you need to feel comfortable with not selling the house and still getting married..."

Me: "Do you not understand what signing on the dotted line means? If we get married, and I sign the marriage license, that house is half mine. Which means I am then responsible for the payments even if my name isn't on the deed. Why can't you understand that this is a bad financial decision for me?! I'd be taking on even more debt for you."

The Ex: "Yeah, but then you'd get half the equity too. That's a disadvantage for me!"

Me: "How?! I've been paying for the thing for the past year anyway and I get s#*t all out of it now."

Again the conversation went completely downhill. Neither one of us was willing to give on anything. He wouldn't give up his house and I was not willing to sign on the dotted line knowing that it was financial suicide.

Things were getting increasingly tense. On top of the infidelity, financial issues, lack of trust, The Ex not working and all the pressure of an upcoming wedding, we were miserable. We'd completely and utterly lost our way. It was so hard to believe that once upon a time we'd actually been happy.